after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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