i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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