We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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