I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
