A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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