We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
