I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
