my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
