Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
