you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
