you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
