I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm really busy with my period
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