I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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