i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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