there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
