Already got asked if we're dating
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize