dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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