Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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