butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
