I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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