When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
