Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
