before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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