3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
