btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
