I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it wasn't lemon gatorade
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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