Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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