My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
