Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
