YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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