haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
