And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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