Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
