All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
