she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He passed out mid-signature
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
