I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
