you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
