Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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