So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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