Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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