I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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