so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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