Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
