I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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