Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just gargled with NyQuil
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
