dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
