I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
