um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
