We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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