he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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