I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
