just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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