Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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