Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
