His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it hurts more in the daytime
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
