dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
