Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Randomize
