Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
