The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
