Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunk is not a location!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize