There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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