He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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