Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
