I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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