just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
