She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
