.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
