i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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