i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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