so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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