you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
