Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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