3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
